The alarm clock blared in my ear, signaling the start of another day in hell (or as most people know it, school). I groaned as I got up. i put on my fuzzy slippers and walked into the bathroom across the hall from my bedroom. today was the first supposed to be the start of a new me, but that’s what i say every trimester. today was the start of second trimester, and as you could tell, i was NOT too excited about it. second trimester meant that i still had two thirds of the school year to look forward to.
as i brushed my teeth, i went over my new schedule in my head. first hour, government, then gym, English, science, lunch, and then geometry. i involuntarily groaned at my messy black curly locks and tried to run a comb through it.
it was an utterly impossible task. then like every day before this, i gave up and slicked my hair back into a ponytail. i quickly put on the outfit i had prepared the night before. dark red skinny jeans and my favorite warped tour 2010 t-shirt along with my usual beat up black converse shoes.
i let out another sigh as i put on my eyeliner and mascara. then fitting my square-rimmed glasses on my nose. i had contacts, i was just never in the mood to use them. i gave myself a once-over, and regretted the glasses, so i put in my contacts. hey! i looked pretty good, actually, maybe i should start wearing contacts more often! without the glasses i sort of looked.. normal. usually i look like a goth kid threw up on a nerd (by the way hate stereotypes).
i was usually put in the category of outcast, because i was shy and overall just too different. even the other outcasts didn't like to talk to me. my appearance doesn't help much either. i have dull blue eyes that always remind me of a funeral i once attended when i was a kid. I'm small, barely five foot two, and i have uncontrollably curly black hair, that like shown before, is un-tamable. I'm very pale when it’s winter,like it is now, almost ghost white. i guess i still do have time to grow though, i mean i am only a freshmen.
i also have quite a different taste in music than most people at my school. i listen to rock instead of pop, punk instead of rap, and i get a lot of shit for listening to it. most people say my music is ‘emo’ and just a bunch of angry demonic men screaming. to that, i wish with all of my heart that i could get the courage to say back, “i don't give a shit what you think." followed by e flipping them off.
but i don't, and probably never will. i’ll forever be that little shy ‘emo’ girl that nobody noticed in high school. i sighed as i ran downstairs grabbing a piece of buttered cinnamon toast. i grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. whoops, i guess it would just be an ATTEMPT. because my mother scolded me before i could get my foot over the thresh-hold. she shook her finger disapprovingly at me. “what is it mom, im going to be late for the buss!”
"first of all, i just wanted to wish my daughter good luck!" she said. “for what?” i ask, becoming a bit suspicious. u’re buss was early and already left. you’ll need to get a ride with Adam and Andy.” she said. “what?” i exclaim. “I'm sorry, i didn't notice you weren't already out there until it was too late.” she said, sorry written on her expression and how she said it. “its okay mom.” i say.
"are you sure? i just don't want you to come home crying or anything again." i nodded. “yeah, im sure, i’ll manage.” then i hobbled over to the neighbor’s lawn. Adam and Andy’s house was right next to mine. we had been neighbors/best friends since we were in diapers. and yes i did come home crying the last time i got a ride from Adam, Andy’s older brother. i know i know, “what a crybaby.” I'm just going to explain what happened. Andy has always been gorgeously cute. and since we were little, I've liked him. he had unbelievable blue grey eyes (not pale like mine, they still were bright) and midnight black hair that he keeps swept across his face in what i guess you could call an emo haircut (once again, labels ugh..).
well anyways, it was the very first day of school (ie: hell) freshman year. my first day of high school, exciting, right? well, not exactly. me and him had been best friends and literally inseparable our whole lives, so obviously, we made plans to have Adam to drive the both of us there. that day was supposed to be super special, because it was the anniversary of when we became friends officially, it was the day we created some hand shake. i don't remember the special name we gave it, just hat it had the words “double” and “spit” in it. as you could see it was probably disgusting. but hey, i was a tomboy i didn't care.that was the day we also promised to be friends for life. this year that day had fallen on the first day of school. we usually celebrated it with gifts and stuff.
this year i had planed on telling him how i really felt for him, too. so i got all dressed up and fancy. i wore my red dress with white polka dots along with my black leather jacket. when we got out of the car and into school, Andy was immediately swarmed by girls.this was the usual. he fanned them off and we kept walking. whenever he used to do that (fan girls off not walk), it made me feel so special like i was a member to the exclusive club of Andy. it used to make me feel lucky to be his friend.and yes, Andy is part of the popular group. or as we call them, the 'perfects.’
anyways nothing interesting happened, just your typical first day of school stuff. at the end of the day, me and Andy were waiting for Adam who had the keys. all of Andy’s fan-girls had already left, so it was just me and him. so i decided now was as good as any time to tell him. i took a deep breath before i started out. "A....Andy?"
"ya, Jessica?" i cringed as he referred me to my real name that i hated so dearly. but he refused to call me anything else so i had to learn to live with it. "i...i have something to tell you. and....and its really important." he gave a small chuckle before he saw my serious expression. his face then quickly mimicked mine. "okay. but before you do, i just want to say thank you."
"for what?" he gave out a small sigh as if to say “do i have to really explain?” but yes, yes he did. "for not acting like a lovesick puppy, or a crazed fan girl around me. for JUST being my friend. for not making our friendship into some cliche-turn-for-the-worst love story where the best friend falls for the other. for not wanting me romantically."
i stood there shocked beyond.....well, beyond my comprehension. Andy looked over at me. tears began to brim on the edges of my eyes. “what?” he asked. “n..nothing...” i respond. its okay Jessi, you’ll live. the guy you’re practically in love with you’re whole life wants to be just friends. no biggie.
"oh, no!" he said with a groan. "PLEASE tell me that you weren't about to do something stupid!" he practically whined. whined! why is he whining? as if that would be the worst thing possible, me wanting him. “stupid? you think telling you about how i feel would be STUPID?” my voice was getting louder and angrier with every word, but i think he knew that i wasn't just angry, because my voice cracked and i choked on the rest of what i had to say.
a single tear slipped from my eye as the sky began to get darker, giving hints of a storm. "oh my god. you were. ghaaa!" he said throwing the rock he had been holding earlier. he stood there for a moment, either thinking, or taking really deep breaths. finally he turned around facing me and said, "listen," his face was now calm and collected. "we can fix this mess, make things all better. not awkward. we just have to pretend that this conversation never took place, never happened. at all."
every word that he said seemed to only fuel my rage and frustration. i violently shook my head "and what if i cant? what if i don't want to?" he just slowly shook his head. "are you really willing to just pretend that i didn't just tell you that i have feelings for you? to ignore it? you aren't a video camera. you cant just erase the memory!" i yelled. i punched him in the chest a few times, and he didn't stop me. tears slipped down my face as i ran off. the sky finally released the rain from the sky, like me finally letting my feelings out to Andy, except with rain, you usually get the same result. i walked the three miles home like that, my tears mixing in with the rain until i couldn't even tell if i was still crying. when i got home i ignored my families questions and went upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me. then i just curled up in a ball and cried until i fell asleep.
i cringed as i remembered how much pain and hurt i had felt. "Jessica." someone called my name, bringing me out of my sad memories. well, hell. speaking of the black haired devil.....
i turned around and put on my best fake smile. we hadn't talked much since that day, and i had taken the time to do some self-reflecting. i finally got over it and agreed to pretend it had never happened.i figured it wasn't worth losing my best friend over. but i sort of did anyways.
because things never were the same after that. whenever i was near him my heart would beat faster, and i would get nervous. and what made it worse was knowing that he knew this. “hey Andy." i responded, as he moved closer to me.
"hey Andy." i said. he moved closer to me. "aren't you going to give your best friend a hug?" he asked. i stepped into his open arms. as usual, he was warm and smelt like cinnamon sugar. i used to love that smell, because it would remind me of him. now usually the smell leaves me with a pit in my stomach. except for today, it just smelled like Andy other smell, no huge affect on me.
he pulled away and i was left shivering from the temperature change. just then, Adam walked out the front door jingling his keys.
"time to- woa. you look nice Jessi." he said, gawking at my eyes. have i mentioned I've had glasses since i was seven? and i had only used my contacts around family? we usually did this routine anyways, but he meant it today. i could tell. "oh, and i looked ugly yesterday?" i asked, trying to get back to more of a teasing manner. and it worked. he lightly laughed.
"no, you’re just getting prettier every day." he took my hand and kissed the top of it.i grinned. this was a different type of flirting then before, because i could make out the mischievous glint in his eye. we always complimented each other in front of Andy because he always got uncomfortable.
"and you hotter." i replied. he WAS cute, he had the same facial features as Andy, with the perfectly shaped nose,the round chin and defined cheekbones. the only difference was he was blonde and two years older. "why thank you, you know, you should wear you’re contacts more often. makes you look-" Adam was cut off by Andy
"okay. we get it! you are both very attractive. now please stop talking to each other like that! seriously ugh!" Andy exclaimed shivering. "what? i was going to say-" Andy cut him off again. "no!" "mature. my gosh..." Adam finished.
"oh." i laughed as i said. "can we go now? im fricking cold!" i rubbed my arms trying to warm up. Andy rolled his eyes at me, which made me really start to think we COULD get back to normal. "of course your cold. your not wearing a jacket, and its in the middle of January!" Andy said draping his Letterman jacket over my shoulders (Andy played captain for the football team and was in a few other sports. he also was in choir). i hid my light blush by coughing as we all got into the car and started small talking.
°°
i pulled the car door open and gasped for air. Adam's stink bomb had gone off in his back pack and the windows had refused to open.
did i mention that Adam isn't what you’d call a star student like Andy. Adam WOULD bring a stink bomb, because as he says “gotta start the tri out right." i breathed in clean fresh air. hm..... smelt way better than any old stink bomb, let me tell you that. i grabbed my book bag and stalked off to my locker without looking back.
i put my backpack in my locker and grabbed my government books. unlike the schools you read about in the books, you are not allowed to bring your backpack to class. so i would have to stop at the skinny freshman lockers after government to trade my books in for my next classes.
i walked in and then noticed that everyone was staring at me. not peeking glances, but legit staring. its as if their eyes had been glued open.some had their mouths open. i became very self conscious. i looked at my clothes to see if i had spilt something. maybe i smelt like a stink bomb? I’d have to beat Adam later if that was the case.
but no, they were staring at my upper body. i awkwardly placed my arms over my chest. then i realized that i was wearing Andy's Letterman jacket still. his 'girlfriend' jacket. as we call it. my face turned 50 shades of red as i sat down. i didn't have d just have to keep it until the end of the hour.
then i would go find him, because the last thing i want is a repeat of last tri. i was still embarrassed about that even though hardly anyone knew about it. then my most favorite girl in the world walked in. Mar Mar. her real name is Marissa, but we haven’t called her that in decades. she sat down next to me eyes wide and a grin plastered on her face.
"oh my gosh, girl. do you know your wearing Andy's jacket?" she asked. she was the only one who knew about what happened between me and Andy that day. "hm... yes. now keep your voice down!" i hissed. her grin grew bigger. "finally! i knew he'd come around! you two were meant to be!" she whispered, taking a seat next to me.
i sighed so sorry to have to be the one to smack her happy face off. i think she has been secretly shipping me and Andy ever since the sixth grade when i told her about my crush I've had on him since forever. Mar Mar was beautiful and i loved her smile. she had full lips and a nice round face with defined cheekbones. she had chocolate brown eyes and dark brown hair and she was just a bit taller than me.
"Andy borrowed me his jacket because i forgot mine. i just forgot to give it back." i frowned as she did also. "that's suck-ish." she replied. "i know." i sighed for like the billionth time this morning. the bell rang and everyone took their seats
°°
i walked briskly out of class with Mar Mar trailing behind me. i went to my locker and grabbed the rest of my stuff for the day. i shut my locker and headed for Andy's, hoping he as still there.
as usual, there was a group of girls and his buddy's
surrounding him. i pushed through and handed him his jacket, although it could have been called a shove by most. i then walked off pissed as hell.
it was humiliating for me to have his Letterman jacket when we weren't dating! it might be hard for people who don't go to our school to understand, but its like wearing an engagement ring when you aren't even dating. then think of you having to give that ring back to the guy who gave it to you on accident in front of everyone. "wait!"
i quickly pivoted on my heel to see him breaking away from his group, jacket in hand. he held it out to me. "here, you can take it. probably will get cold in gym. heard Mr. Sampson's class is going outside today." "i don't want it." i said throwing the jacket back at him, hitting him in the face and messing up his perfect hair.
he gave me a puzzled look after he removed the jacket that had attacked his face. he had no idea how mortified i had felt. his friends and posse moved a little closer trying to hear what we were talking about. "what do you mean? isn't that what you wanted?" he asked.
i understood what he was saying, but i had a feeling that there was a hidden meaning. then it snapped. the jacket. the ride. the hug. things were never going to be back to normal, i now knew that.
"it was. Andy. it was. but you waited way too long. clouded by cliche's and popularity. and now i don't want you. not anymore. so keep the damn jacket. and don't bother giving me a ride home. i don't need you, or your damn jacket. for anything."
i watched as his and everyone else's jaws hit the floor. no one talks to him like that. no one’s even attempted it. i walked off catching up with Mar Mar.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
schedule for Jan. 6-12 (OLoughlinGirlz)
Monday- work on chapter 1 and develop character traits
Tuesday- work on creating a cover
Wednesday- Valla works on Chapter 2 ( i do N/A)
Thurdsay- I help polish Chapter 2 up
Friday- N/A
Saturday- Collaborate and plan story more
Sunday- I start working on chapter 3
schedule for January 6-12 (Dani_Silence)
Monday Jan. 6- work on new chapter for 'Still Just A Bad Boy?'
Tues Jan.7- work on 'Siren's Cry' and/or 'The Angel Chronicles: Hallie's Story'
Weds Jan. 8- work on 'Still Just A Bad Boy?' and short stories
Thursday Jan. 9- polish up 'Still Just A Bad Boy?' and work on 'Siren's Cry'
Friday Jan. 10- update 'Still Just A Bad Boy?'
Saturday Jan 11- N/A
Sunday Jan 12- N/A
about this blog..
this blog will basically be me talking about weekly updates about my account on Wattpad
it will let you know the schedule for the week for updating among other things.
i will also be posting the schedule for my other account that i share with my cousin, although that will not be posted as often, as since we co-write it's harder to determine when we will be done.
i will also hopefully be putting up the updated version of "Just Another Bad Boy" on here.
if i dont post, my computer has most likely been taken away, but when i get it back ill be sure to post the schedule.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)